So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
