the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
