you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
