Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
