how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Redeem this text for a blowjob
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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