hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
