These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
