I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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