I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
