i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I have fence marks all over my body
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
