okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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