i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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