You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
