her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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