just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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