dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
