So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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