Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Randomize
