look no pants
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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