??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
