I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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