do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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