shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
