I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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