i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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