# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
