can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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