she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
