She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
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I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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