Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
