I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
