yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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