I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
