I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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