just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
