You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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