your room smells of hookers.
And success
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
