so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
