they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
