Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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