i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Did I show you my penis last night?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
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Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
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Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
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