would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
