She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
