She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
