My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
