I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
