hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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