all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
