So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
