my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
