i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
