absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
