I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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