i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
