I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
My feet surprised me
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