I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
