omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
