i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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