I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
