Plan B is the new Plan A
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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