I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
