it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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