I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
