More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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