i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
