I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
