Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
