Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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