do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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